I ended my relationship with Dash, my OmniPod insulin pump. I thought he was the one. I’d never felt that way before. Our relationship was the most life changing thing that I had ever experienced. I had high hopes for us. Dash promised a lot and I believed him. Sometimes he delivered, especially at the beginning. When things were good, it was truly incredible. But he also put me through the wringer. I gave him two years, 45 pounds, my waistline, nothing amazing to begin with, but still, and nearly my life when things got really bad between us.
I thought I hit the jackpot when my endocrinologist introduced us over two years ago. Things were great for awhile. He completely changed my life. I went from injecting myself with five shots per day to inserting a tiny pump into my body every three days. My life had never felt so carefree. There were moments, however brief, that I swear I forgot I was diabetic. That was a feeling completely unknown to me. With Dash I was using a phone-like device to administer insulin. No longer was I stressing about the temperature of my ice packs, breaking an insulin vial, or looking for the cheapest way to dispose of used syringes, most often a needle exchange.
Dash was the Yin to my Yang. He loved math. I hated math. He calculated the amount of insulin units I needed anytime I asked him, day or night. Dash could dose me in half units. He could even subtract insulin. Or stop it. With the touch of a button I could avoid a low blood sugar. I had more control over my body than I had ever before. I could change the course of my blood sugar and balance readings on an entirely new level. He was a catch and a half.
Dash is expensive, but I believed he would be worth it. I paid all sorts of prices to have him in my life. At one point I paid $900 for a 30 day supply. Most recently I paid $150 for a 30 day supply. He broke the bank and ran up a few credit cards, but how could I stop? I couldn’t possibly end things with him. Not when things were going so great for us. My life had never been better with him in it. Did I mention he was waterproof? I could shower and swim with him attached and he kept working. Most pumps can’t offer that. Dash was different.
Our relationship was challenged at every turn. Insurance companies tried to drive us apart. They required prior authorizations and took forever to deliberate if they were even going to cover Dash so that we could be together. It’s stupid how much time my doctors and I wasted trying to get him approved for coverage. And then reapproved within the same insurance year. Everything was a fight, even the insulin that pumped through him. The endless calls, waiting, and then the waiting to be transferred to the correct departments, and the dozens of customer service reps couldn’t get me to stop fighting for us. Ultimately the struggle was worth it. Once you go Dash, you don’t go back.
Hindsight is a real bitch, of course. I can clearly see all the red flags now. But while I was caught up in my love affair with Dash, I overlooked a lot. I told myself none of the little things mattered. His adhesive had always been subpar. I bought adhesives made for Dash to try to secure him to my skin. Sometimes the extra adhesives worked, sometimes they didn’t. When they didn’t, Dash would come loose and his cannula, a small flexible tube, would get pulled out of my skin. With the cannula exposed, no insulin would enter my body. It meant I would have to attach a new pump. He would come loose often, before the three day shelf life had run out. Like anything in the pharmaceutical world, there were no exceptions for extra pumps when your devices came loose and your cannulas went rogue between refills. Simply put, I was shit out of luck. I cursed him and stressed every time he pulled that shit.
Communication is essential for any relationship. Dash promised he would warn me if insulin wasn’t pumping into my body through the cannula. In fact, he guaranteed it. Imagine my surprise when my blood sugar shot up out of nowhere. Often. Did he always communicate? No, he did not. Rather than just tell me before shit hit the fan, he was silent. It wouldn’t be until I pulled the pump out and discovered the once straight cannula was now a curly piece of plastic. No wonder my blood sugar was through the roof. I had no insulin in my system for how long, I have no idea. His silence spoke volumes.
From the beginning Dash promised to be there for me. His promises were louder than his actions. Words are great and all, but it’s the actions that matter in a relationship. He wasn’t consistent and never owned up to his failings. How are you supposed to be with someone who can never take a shred of accountability for themselves? When I called the OmniPod company to complain about Dash, which was frequent, they always told me the same thing. That the devices weren’t perfect. Jesus. I don’t expect perfection, but if you promise continuous insulin delivery and it stops, without alerting anyone, at least have the decency to apologize for Dash’s failings. All I was asking for was a little empathy and an apology. After all, I was dealing with my livelihood.
The problem was I couldn’t rely on Dash when I needed him most. He acted like everything was fine and then his PDM, or his brain, went out of commission and just shut off. I was in Montana, a state I didn’t currently live in. I had packed extra pumps, knowing full well he could shit the bed at any time. I just wasn’t expecting, nor did I prepare for him to completely shut down. I didn’t even know that could happen. Probably would have been a good thing to mention on the box. There was no reviving him at that point. At least that’s what the nice sales rep told me on the phone. I found myself on vacation with only one type of insulin, because Dash only requires one type of insulin. It takes two types of insulin if you’re going pump free. The sales rep said he’d send a new PDM, maybe he would be able to overnight it.
That was great and all. But I still had a good 24 hours of living before the new PDM may or may not arrive. I could call my doctor in New Mexico and see if she could transfer a prescription for a long lasting insulin, because Dash only used short acting. Pharmacies move at the speed of a sloth, and that’s between pharmacies in the same state. It could be a giant mess between two states. Or I could go to an urgent care and have a doctor write me prescriptions for insulin, or insulin pens and then pay for the out of state urgent care bill and prescriptions. It’s situations like this that drive me absolutely insane that insulin isn’t available over the counter. The OmniPod company sent out a new Dash, he arrived 48 hours after I made the call. When he showed up on my friend’s doorstep, I gave him the cold shoulder. Luckily, I have a diabetic friend in Missoula who hooked me up with insulin.
We were on a break. For a good week and a half I was shooting up the old way, with needles five times per day. I’d like to tell you that it was easy to go back during our break, but it was nothing but devastating. Dash had introduced me to a new way of living with my chronic disease. It was simpler and more pleasant. I gave in. I went back to Dash. It was the first really big test of our relationship. I returned because I shoved all the heartache down inside me and told myself that this time it would be different. I wish I had known then, or seen through the denial, that we were never really meant to last. Our happy reunion was brief.
The last straw of our relationship was looming. Due to insulin shortages in New Mexico, the insulin I was prescribed was out of stock. I explained to the pharmacy technician that if I left Walgreens without insulin, I wouldn’t last long. I asked if they had another similar insulin they could give me instead, just temporarily. The answer was no. I almost asked to go into the back fridge and look, but I stopped myself. The tech found some insulin at another Walgreens. It wasn’t my prescribed insulin, but it was insulin. I drove to the other Walgreens across town and paid twice the amount of money for the insulin, because it was a more expensive brand.
For roughly three months I continued to use this insulin called Novolin. I had originally been prescribed an insulin called Novolog. It never occurred to me that I would need to switch back to the other brand. The pharmacy never offered either. For some reason my copay went down the next time I refilled. The insulins sound the same, but in fact they are completely different insulins. I didn’t know there was a difference. I had always just figured insulin was insulin, and I always used whatever version my insurance company would pay for. It’s the insurance company who decides what kind of insulin you get, not your doctor. The insulin user, or diabetic, has no real say as to what type of insulin will be pumped through their body. Unless of course you’re a wealthy diabetic, which sadly I am not. The insurance companies get to decide what to cover and what not to cover. They can change their mind for no reason and stop covering an insulin. They call the shots. That’s how the game works. So I ended up using this Novolin insulin in Dash. I didn’t think twice about it.
In no time I grew lethargic and began gaining weight at a rapid rate. My blood sugars went all over the place. I knew something was wrong because I know my body. Christ, I’ve known it my whole life. I went to my doctor. She couldn’t figure it out. I went to a weight loss specialist and she couldn’t figure it out. Finally after a few months I turned to Paula, a woman I had never actually met. I was desperate and I couldn’t get into an endocrinologist. I was finally on a waitlist to see one, but my appointment was months away. Paula is a diabetic nurse who specializes in insulin pumps. I had never met her. I still haven’t met her, but my primary care doctor brought her on board to navigate updating Dash to the next generation of OmniPods with my insurance company. We had only texted a few times.
I was desperate. I felt like utter shit. I knew something wasn’t right. No one I reached out to could tell me anything. I sent Paula a “Hail Mary” text and told her what was going on. She responded immediately. We talked and she asked me what type of insulin I was using. I explained the situation. She paused. Then she told me I was very lucky. She went on to tell me that I had been using the incorrect insulin for the OmniPod pump. She didn’t want to scare me, but it was a miracle that I wasn’t in a coma right now, or dead. I was pulled over on the side of the road, listening to this nice stranger telling me I was lucky to be alive. She contacted my doctor immediately and the next day I had the correct insulin.
I noticed the change instantly. It took awhile to get any energy back, but my blood sugars normalized and I didn’t want to spend all my time horizontal. I was using the correct insulin in Dash, but something still didn’t feel quite right. I was still gaining weight. The number on the scale only got more frightful. Then on Christmas morning Dash flaked on me for the second time in six months. His PDM stopped working. I charged it. No response. I was back on the phone. I didn’t get a replacement for Dash until four days later.
When he arrived I felt indifferent. I didn’t take him out of the box. I was back on syringes. I couldn’t tell if it was just in my head, or if I actually felt better in Dash’s absence. Should I go back to him? Chances are nothing had changed. What was I doing? I had put all my trust in Dash, this new technology, that cost an arm and a leg and only worked when it wanted to. When had this become such a one-sided relationship? Did I want to rely on a company that gives its consumers no information about how to stay safe while using their products?
I’ve spent some time on the Insulet Corporation’s website. The Insulet Corporation is the parent company of OmniPod. I’ve yet to find anything on their website telling consumers, or potential consumers that they must use a certain type of insulin in the OmniPod device. There’s no fine print, that I can see, warning of a coma or death if the incorrect insulin is used in their device. The pharmacists that supplemented my prescribed insulin with an available brand of insulin didn’t know the change would be problematic. Either that or that small detail got missed. I don’t blame the pharmacists. Nor do I blame the doctors I visited to figure out what was going so wrong in my body. The responsible party here is the billion dollar Insulet Corporation.
The more I thought about what went down with Dash and I, the angrier I became. I thought about burying him in the yard because he was dead to me. Instead, I took a hammer to him. I felt a little better after that. I nearly died for this relationship and I’m not really a relationship person. I realize I fell for Dash’s potential, not Dash. He promised a lot, but he couldn’t deliver. I’m just thankful that I didn’t end up in a coma and die. Love is great, but I don’t think it’s coma great.
HALF FULL DECK 